This is not about Aidan, although this blog is focused on him.

Perhaps it has been a little stressful for me after we got back from our holidays. It is good that Aidan is expressing his feelings, emotions, his needs, his preferences. But it is also starting to unnerve me a little when he refuses to ‘negotiate’. I want this, I don’t want that. No talking terms when he worked himself up.

I had to physically drag him into a room for a program of which he earlier agreed go to, as in, meeting up with two therapists that he already knew. Upon seeing a playground outside the building, he refused to go in, and that was where it started. I dragged him in after minutes of fruitless persuasion. He was strong as. Wouldn’t budge, but I managed somehow. Left him there, and forty minutes later, the therapist gave me a call. Said he has settled down, but wouldn’t engage or participate in any games. Just sitting there by the door. He looked interested in some of the games they play, but being stubborn, he didn’t move from the spot.

Many more incidents of the same, and it’s drawing my energy. Plus, he seemed to be enjoying mentally torturing me, asking me in a tearful manner not to go to work. Why did I think I will have more freedom in doing things as he gets older? I am already worried about how he will cope in a totally new environment next year at Prep, about whether I should work a night less to spend more time with him as he will be spending more time in school. About being financially nipped if I chose to do that.

Barbecue this Saturday. It’s fun to entertain at home. But a little worried if you can imagine fitting 20 people in this small unit. The food, the cake, the balloons, the games, the loot bags, utensils, not enough chairs! Hubby is making a list alright, but he seems oblivious to the things that makes this ‘party’ FUN for a 5 year old. No longer is the old barbecue ‘just cook, eat and yak’ for the adults. He is so much more aware of things now, I want to make it something he can remember by and talk about.

Next weekend, a holiday short getaway with three other families. List of things to buy and bring.

Hence, when I saw my thoughts are uncollected, now I hope you know what I mean. One minute I’ll be thinking about a balloon pump, next some sundried tomatoes for the salad, and decorations for the cake too, baked specially by my friend for Wilkin and my 8th wedding anniversary, at the weekend bungalow.

Oh. Santan for my nasi lemak.